Journal #6

ACTIVITY 3
- Find a photo of a character about whom you wish to write: Someone other than yourself.
- Describe the content of the photo (up to 80 words) - in the notebook.
- Describe of that which sits outside the photo: who was taking it, what was just out of shot, who was present, the location, the time and other such details - some can be imagined (notebook)
- COMBINE AND INTEGRATE THE TWO VERSIONS, SO IT READS LIKE THE STORY OF THE PHOTO BEING TAKEN (POST ON BLOG)

Can I Have Some of the Happiness Drink Please??

She was born on Thursday, 24 July 2008, 4.01pm. Her cute little face calms the restless soul. The boy besides her is Ahmad Aiman Fitri Bin Abdullah. He is also an angel in the family. Now, the truth, she is the new angel in the family. She is everything now. She is the one whom everyone longs for so long. Finally, she's here in the family. Her name? It reads "Alyaa" from her soft blanket. Alyaa Jasmine Binti Abdullah. Yes, that's her. The way she looks at Aiman in the picture makes me wonder. "Abang Aiman, Adik nak susu jugak..." Maybe..maybe not. What was she thinking? I have no idea. One thing I know is, Aiman loves to pose in front of the camera, so he would say "Wah, I look kind and caring to Adik!" Those two are my angels, forever and ever.

The picture was taken a day before 2008's Eid. I took that photo with my camera phone out of boredom. There was nobody there except me. So I was out of the picture, obviously! My Mummy was in her room, performing her Asar prayer I think. My dad was on his way for the holiday from Kota Kinabalu. So, they were out of shot as well. It was taken at my grandfather's house, at the children's living hall. As I recall, the day was sunny. Oh no, it was steamy back there. The reason why I took that picture is: I love both of them; Aiman and Alyaa. Here, I want to focus on Alyaa. She is a miracle in my family. Our family has been longing to have a baby girl since...I can't remember when. Finally, Alhamdulillah. She is way too healthy for me. She was born with almost 5kg in weigh! My goodness. I am happy that she comes in the family. I can clearly see how my father is happy. Alyaa is the picture of happiness for us!

Journal #5

This piano is just a tool!

At nights, I stay up late and cry,
At times, I feel like I could die!
In this life, I don't feel loved,
I always marooned away or shoved!
I can play this piano well,
but I can no longer stand the swell!
Should I be happy?
How can it be if I'm treated this crappy?
Sometimes, I see things as scary,
Why can't I just be happy and merry?
I am best in crying,
never once, I'm lying to cry!
For all my faults, I am to blame,
I am the one to take the shame!
I wish you can see me,
and not this piece besides me!
This piano is just a tool,
As me, I am the fool!

-nizasyazre-

*Imagine being a child prodigy who is not understood by people you long for friendship and a normal life. Write a poem describing your life.

Q2-Island Postcard

Please come home!

I still have vivid pictures of the day
The day we were so happy
to hold you in our arms
to kiss on your juicy cheek

Since the day you were here
I just can't stop smiling
to see you trying to walk
to see you trying to talk

What hurts the most for me
every single time I think of you
to see you cry in your bed
to see you fall from your bike

Where are you now my darling?
where have you been these years?
are you doing great?
are you growing up well?

Please come home! Please come home!
I want to see you, I want to see you
just before I weep
just before I sleep

*Received from a mother.

Q1-Island Postcard

Life is funny

Life
such a lunatic fantasy
blinds one's sacrifice
to seek for eternity

Love
such word is funny

once one succumbs too rough
it drives us crazy

I
such a misery
everytime i close my eyes
I wish you will see me

You
such a peaceful breeze
longing for the view
since you were at ease

*To a best friend who's already gone

Q2-Black & White Postcard

Timeless

Good old days, good old days
Do you still recall?
You were the star in the haze
I was the moon in the hall.

Twist and dance, twist and dance
Do you still remember?
He was a star, no offense
But you were the other.

Time crawls, time runs
Do you still have the picture?
Oh, you were so much fun
Still I hope you are, my dear!

*From: an imaginary old 'friend'.

Q1-Black & White Postcard

We Were There

Remember the day?
It was remarkable.
Oh, how I wish I can turn back the hands of time..

Remember the dress?
I bought it the day before.
Oh, I must tell you, "You were stunning!"

I was there,
You were there,
We were there!

Where are you Stella?
Why haven't you reply?
I called you "Stunning Stella", remember?

I, who have nothing
I, who have no one
You are not in the picture..

I'm old and weak
I'm deaf and mute
But, I'll wait for you Stella!

*Recipient: Imaginary ex-girlfriend...

My Ex-pillow was in My Room

I leaned and rolled
I kissed and hugged
I love you, I love you,
Since the day I met you.

The way you touched me
The way you caressed me
Even thought you've changed,
Hey, "you're still the one I love!"

Off, off you from my bed!
I don't want you here anymore!
I hate you, I hate you,
you cheated on me!

As days passed through,
I miss you, I miss you.
Though you had to leave,
I still love you, forever and ever.
You were there, "Remember?"

I'm still in 'our' room,
This special room
The place we first met,
The day you left...

-aNs-

The Fasting Month

It's been half way through the Ramadhan already. Fasting month is the month where I restrict myself from doing the forbidden things I do and spread some kindness to others. Duh..obviously. Nevertheless, I wish to quote from the person who runs an orphanage in Section 2. "Don't just show kindness only in fasting month! The kids are not here for only one month, they are here for 365 days a year!" "Give more and take less!" I was touched by those.

Ramadhan 2008. I reflect to my behavior this month. Oh goody, I've not change at all. I am stiil the bad person as I always be and I hurt many people around me. The more I say, the more I tend to hurt people. The truth is..I did not mean to hurt them at all...

Ramadhan 2008. It is not as merrier as before. I think that there's no point of celebrating this month like I used to. Though it sounds bad, I have my reason for that. I already lose my excitement on celebrating this coming Eid. Misery, misery, misery. That's all I can say. I just hope everything will be just fine as it used to. I really don't want to cry this Raya.

I think I really save a lot on my spending this time. I've learned to say "That's enough for the day!" I really do. Thus, my pocket is still full and my tummy is full too! Guess what, there's a "hikmah" for everything and Ramadhan teaches me something!

I guess, that's all for now as I'll update whatever comes into my life this fasting month. Till we meet each other again, goodbye. Assalamualaikum.

Items Used???

1.Leather jacket
2.Business card
3.Dusty radio
4.Silver locket with inscription
5.Bottle of herbal medicine
6.Rugby ball
7.Fortune-telling cards
8.A jar o sharpened pencils
9.Brand new laptop

"Today is the day!"...That was his last words before going to his deep sleep. The story goes like this...

Abuya feels like going to heaven today! It is raining outside. His pink leather jacket is wet. There are some holes all over the jacket. It was a gift from his cousin. He's been using it for five years now. At home, he hangs the jacket next to his old hat. The inscription on his silver locket says, "Love is a crying game..." He removes it and puts it on the coffee table. Few drops coming down from his face due to the rain outside.

"This pencil is not sharp enough!" With a degree of tense, he picks another one from a jar filled with sharpened pencils on his writing desk. "Where on earth is the paper???" Out of nowhere, he just wrote something, more to some kind of notes behind one of his business cards. Seemingly, he giggles a little. A drop of purity falls from his innocent face...

He looked at a rugby ball next to the dustbin with a million thoughts going in his mind. The same ball reminds him of his glorious days where people loved him, deeply. He was surrounded by friends back then. Now, the picture is fading...to grey.

His laptop is trying to say something. All that comes from it is.."BUZZ!" The laptop seems to be working well. He just bought it last Tuesday. Someone is sending him an IM. He just can't seem to care less on it. There's a radio on the desk. It looks old and a bit dusty. It seems to make a sound but it is not possible as it is mute already. The radio was bought in 1969. He bought it last year in Jalan T.A.R..

The last raindrop sings a despair song in silence. As he giggles, he aims for a pen. The IM on the laptop's screen says, "Goodbye..." The echo of his giggles can be heard from afar. He was a joyful guy back then. Now, he is just another victim of a heartless world. "Love is a crying game.."

My Favourite Fictional Character

When I was a little boy, I have always had passion towards "Superman". I though he was great! Then I shifted my passion on "Ultraman" Believe it or not, Ultramans are hilariously great! What I meant by that is...they look silly but powerful. Of course, I did not see the 'silly' part when I was little.

That was then. I wonder why it always lead me to fictional superhero. Fictional character does not necessarily have to be the heroes. Therefore, what I'm about to expose here is my favourite fictional character all the time. That would be Nancy in most of James Patterson's novels.

Nancy is a detective. She is determined in doing her job. There's nothing more important than solving the mystery (murders). However, it is not like the typical crime story. It is beyond complicated and...hard to explain. The character herself is not stereotyped by the author. She is sick. She has a severe blood disease yet she still determines to finish what she has started.

She often skips the appointment to see the doctor and she does not really have fun with her life. Along the way of her new-promoted job, she makes friends whom I can tell are the greatest friend we can ever imagine. All of them works in different field yet they manage to sit together and find solution for the mystery.

Nancy portrays the characteristic of a true, great and loyal friend. She never crosses her friends and she treats others fairly equal. When it comes to love, she's always have an issue. It is...about trust. Therefore, she encounters failures in many in her love life. Being a super-policewoman makes her entitled for the attention and not to mention the pressure. She becomes ill and its getting worse by days. Work becomes her love in the end and tragically, her work sucks her lifespan.

One thing about Nancy is, she always have positive thought in her mind as if the world will treat her fair in life. I somehow think that this what makes her happy all the time. She looks for opportunity and chance in her every action. Nancy is my idol.

Books? BookS? Book?

Hmmm...I'm 20 years old. I will be 21 this coming December. So far, I have been reading many kinds of books. I have to accept the fact that I'm not a fan of thick books. However, there are some books that have left a good impact on me.

When I was a little boy, my late mum used to read me books from Enid Blyton. She got those from US when she was studying. The best story in Blyton's books would be the one that have pixies in it. Then comes the Famous Five series. I just love that! Somehow, I prefer the Secret Seven series more. Perhaps, as I grow up, they fancied me. I must say, the idea of 'young' detectives grabbed my interest that time. I still remember my favourite character from that series. It is 'Peter'. He is the leader and the bravest among them. From this series, later on, the Famous Five comes.

As I following my path of growing old, I 'accidentally' read this book. It's a Malay novel and the title is "Tombiruo". To me, it is a great story and it is not a stereotypical kind of story. The way the author wrote about the "Semangat Hutan" just drove me nuts. It's a heart-pumping story with lots of values in it! Tombiruo is actually a nice guy despite his beastly face. I just love the story! The conflicts and dramas that happened to him made me realize that we are living in a men world! Tombiruo represents the innocent hope in most of our hearts to find peace.

Then I started to develop my interest on "mystery" theme novel. A friend of mine suggested me to read books from James Patterson. WOW! Seriously, the author is extremely talented! I first read on "2nd Chance". Then I read about "4th of July". They are actually part of the series. Patterson writes about Women's Murder Club series. I just love the ideas of how those women met and became close friends as to solve the mysteries. I've read most of his books in the series. Last semester, I've read the "3rd Degree" and "5th Horseman". Its incomplete though. Nevertheless, this semester, I've come across his great fiction which is "You've Been Warned". It's not in the series but all I can tel you is: "Fantastico!" My heart beats faster than a bullet train as I 'free-read' in Kinokunya (KLCC). Damn, he's really good!

A book that influences me lately is "Sunstroke" by Jesse Kellerman. This is his first novel yet it's thrilling! The crimes, the dramas and conflicts are incredibly beyond my imagination. No wonder. He has the 'x-factor' to write. His parents are well-established authors. I'm not a big fan of them actually as I prefer Patterson's works than them (Jonathan and Faye Kellerman). The suspense somehow made me having nightmares. Hahaha..The murdered in Mexico intoduced the disturbing picture of this novel. The theme of 'love and hatred' drives people to do things beyond our capability. It's disturbing to read the novel at times. The feelings of hatred makes me want to turn the pages over and over till it ends. I bought it for just RM59 at MPH.

There are some other books that influence me to read. I think those books are important as it focuses on my interest which is on THRILLER and MYSTERY. It also stimulates my interest to watch that kind of fiction. People may see me as a disturbed person as I develop this passion on reading such materials but I just could not care less as long as I'm happy for that. I enjoy it!

"High Fidelity"

Question 1:
What is the movie about?

- The movie is about a guy name Rob Gordon and his love story, up until the last one told by him. It is interesting because the love portrayed in the movie is not just a typical love story. The director is creatively goes against the typical love story normally told by people. Rob, a record store owner had a girlfriend name Laura who has just left him during the beginning of the movie. This final breakup leads him to recall his five most memorable breakups and to wonder what happened to his ex-girlfriends and why they left him. Being rejected is part of life. However, being constantly rejected in love means that there is something wrong with you. Therefore, Rob recalls his past and locates all his exes. He managed to get information about them and asked them why he was rejected. The answers is there. Even though Rob could not see it, we as the audience know the problem. This is unique to me due to men normally do not dig their past love life. They normally move on. However this movie shows us many beautiful quality n Rob. Nevertheless, I must say, it is still a beautiful love story between Rob and Laura when he finally knows what went wrong in his relationship and work his relationship well.

Question 2:
How it is different from love fiction?

- This story relates the love with songs. I personally think that those songs played in the movie are significant to Rob's love life for example, "You're Gonna Miss Me, Always See Your Face, and Fallen for You". Somehow, it reflects to his story "The 'Best' Breakups Story". Furthermore, it obviously shows that men are just equal as women. They have personal feelings and men do cry sometimes. It is never wrong to cry even for a guy. This is not a stereotypical love story where the hero acts gentleman and macho kind of guy. Those are just another part of men. But, deep inside men's heart, we cry a lot. Sometimes, we let out emotion takes control on our intellectual judgment. This movie is unlike an ordinary or typical love story ever produced in the world. The reason I am saying this is through the character "Rob" is playing. He is totally different from the typical guys that we normally look at. The idea of not showing Rob as a romantic person is unique. It shows that not all men are like that. That is so lame when we are expecting men to be polite, nice, gentleman, 'cool', easygoing etc. Rob is totally out of that zone. He is more frank, clueless and there is nothing that woman adore about him except his pretty look. One more thing about this movie is; it displays the characteristic of Rob as a straightforward person. He talks whatever he thinks. Even his proposal to marry his girlfriend was too sudden and too frank. I would say that this comedy is brilliant in a funny way. It is not just a love story, it is about men's world and relationships around them. They deserve to be treated as fair as they treat women.

Question 3:
Who is your favorite character and why?

- I would say Rob Gordon is my favorite character. He represents all men in this universe. Men are not as macho as they think they are. Rob leads a pretty messed up life. He owns a record store which was failing as his life was failing. However, he is surrounded by loyal friends who helped him a lot. When looking at his love life, I think most guys are as same as Rob. They are clueless especially when they have no idea what is going wrong in their relationship. Nevertheless, in the end, Rob manage to overcome his messed up life and work on his relationship with Laura. They disagree on things but they can work out together well. One more thing about him that I like is because he reflected on his past to review on what went wrong with his relationship previously. He is a straightforward guy. This value is nice especially when you want to express your feelings precisely to your love ones. I like the message through the comedy brought up by Rob. It is not just dry comedies. It is full with messages. I like him in terms of he always think he is good in everything. He possesses self-confidence in his attitude and he somehow questions about his breakups. He is so down-to-earth to be brave telling the audience about his failure relationships before. Kudos to Rob Gordon!

Question 4:
Provide an alternate ending.

- This is just my personal opinion. I just think that the end should be this way. Rob has faced many breakups. Therefore, there will be times in his life where he hates women. He feels like he has been ill-treated by women. He rebels. He hurts himself and find a way to forget about loving woman. Suddenly, he is having a thought of becoming a homosexual guy. He goes to gay clubs and bars to enjoy himself. One day, he meets a queer at a club and they flirt. Rob brings the guy to his apartment and there comes the explicit scene. Both of them live happily for quite a while. Rob succeeds in his business this time with his success through the promoted band. He makes a lot of friends especially with the gay community.

Five years later, Rob holds a reunion with his friends and exes. There we can see how sorry those girls become when they actually still have feelings on Rob. They feel that they have done a terrible sin of rejecting Rob. But it is too late to say sorry because Rob is leading a happy life with the humor continues.

I am pretty sure this idea is lame and unacceptable. However, there is possibility in everything.
Just for the record, the original ending is beautiful in a comedic way.

Problems faced when I write...

Writing is easy. However, to write a flawless piece of work comes with price. There's a price to produce a creative writing. Therefore, reflecting to my experience, I will list down some of the problems I face when I write.

During the pre-writing, I normally have problem in organizing ideas. How to let my ideas flow is one more thing when I write. When there are too many ideas, I get confused on which to locate in my writing. Next is when i draft the outline. This is when I put everything after I select things from the pouring ideas, earlier. In building a framework for my ideas, there are many things to be considered. I always messed up with my thesis statement. When I jot down the thesis sentence, I tend to choose on unnecessary points to be elaborated. Then, I will have problem in sequencing and I will be perplexed with my principle of selection.

During the writing stage, I always have problems with grammar, tenses, pronouns, thesis statements and the exposition. The blatant problem with me is I tend to mix the tenses. If only I know on how to stick on certain tense. I wish there's a tense that can be used for all purpose. People say that writing is speaking on paper. One question, if you speak in mess, does that means your writing is a mess too? This is why we have to devise and revise the writing. A lot of editing must take place. "To improve is to change, to be perfect, we have to change often!"

After I write, I revise my writing. Surprisingly, I notice that I overwrite the essay. I overstate my points. This leads to many needless words and details. I also notice that my piece of writing is not simple and straightforward. Therefore, when I show my essay to my friends, they are clueless on what I am trying to explain. Obviously, I do not know on how to add color, excitement and style in my writing. I make things complicated when they are supposed to be simple. My teacher told me long time ago on her principle in writing. That would be "KISS". It simply means to "Keep It Simple and Straightforward!" I have to be organized! I am learning to organize points easily and effectively. That is why I am in this course.

Those are some of my problems in writing. I am definitely certain that normal people face the same problems too. I wish to improve in writing and produce a masterpiece before I graduate from this program. I really hope to learn on how to develop my ideas effectively, to get my points across, and to write something that hold my readers' attention. This is why I am in this course.

The New Semester...

Pheww…laziness employs sarcasm in me. At least, they have a better job to keep! New term means new ‘friends’. The ghastly idea of being in class, filled with notes in hand makes me want to throw up.

Every semester I have to remind myself that all I need to do is to keep the game going. Last time I checked, I procrastinated a lot, I slept too much, I ate heavenly till my tummy grew bigger. As every other semester, I am still discovering myself. I seek my identity in toughness. Hopefully there will be some light inside the door I am about to knock. Who am I? This is me.

Sometimes, I wish I know the value of not knowing. Sometimes, I wish I do not know some things I knew. The more I excavate the more I become nauseas. There are times when I think I should not care what happens in this world? Malaysia is shaking already. There is nobody to trust. Seriously, what is happening to us? Hatred fills our heart. Kindness is looking for a new land, far away from what we have here. I cry when nobody is looking. I scream when nobody is listening. I crawl when everyone goes with speed. I am just a minute part in this humongous factory of ‘plasticity’.

The new semester offers more homework, more extra hours of reading, more pressure and expensive hours of typing. My aim for this semester is to be NORMAL. Normal is not an average term for being me. That is unacceptable! Normal is going beyond my abnormality. I have to be brave to cross the border. This time it is for real. There is a price I have to pay for being abnormal today. Let’s just say, the price is priceless.

We live in a beautiful, fat world, filled with greed and fake smiles. I have relapsing myself after I improved a little. Sometimes, I feel that I am so cheap. They say, “Not knowing is bad, but not to wish to know is worse.” There are many things I wish I did not do, but I did. Bad things.. I did what I had to do and I am sorry to those who got hurt during my dominion. I am sorry.

The new semester remains as new semester. Soon, it will flutter away. Then, the new term approaches. The cycle goes on until the last day I stamp my feet during my 8^th semester here. Then? Sayonara I guess to this ‘plastic’ camp.